Freedom of Speech? Really?

According to sources including the Guardian, 100,000 or more Israelis are protesting against Netanyahu’s plans to extend the war in Gaza.

 

Meanwhile, here in the UK, more than 500 people have been arrested for silently holding up placards supporting Palestine Action, a “proscribed group”, during a peaceful protest in central London.

 

Again according to the Guardian, as well as the BBC, Channel 4 and other sources, more than 450 people were arrested in central London on Saturday at the largest demonstration relating to Palestine Action since the group was proscribed as a terrorist organisation. On Saturday night, police said that as of 9pm, over 450 people had been arrested for showing support for Palestine Action. There were a further eight arrests for other offences including five assaults on officers.

 

People in this country love to talk about freedom of speech, but it is clearly a myth.  

 

Go here for what Marshall Rosenberg, the author of Nonviolent Communication, did while working with people in Israel and Palestine.  

 

Go here for The Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence 2025.  You can make a difference.  Please add your voice.  Go here to submit your blog post.  The deadline is the 15th of September.  

 

How do you feel about Palestine Action becoming a proscribed group?  How do you feel about the arrests?  Please leave your comments below.  

 

 

 

 

Sibling Rivalry in These Troubled Times

In these coronavirus covid-19 lockdown days, many parents and children are struggling.  Nobody knows when the schools will reopen, or whether parents should send their children back to school.  Not being able to go outside or interact with their friends is creating stress for children and families.  Conflicts between children are occurring more frequently as everyone is on edge.  And outside of the watchful gaze of teachers and educators, some children are more at risk of violence or abuse.  

 

According to this article from the New York Times, in the past, families that had several children who were close in age had a higher infant mortality rate than other families.  I wonder whether this is still true today in cultures and/or countries that have unusually large families.  

 

Sibling rivalry is something those of us who have siblings have all probably experienced.  Again, I wonder whether rivalry in families and in societies, such as China, where single children are the norm, is expressed outside the home.  

Sibling rivalry can help children to learn to navigate relationships.  It can also have the opposite effect, and can be vicious.  

 

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) can be an effective way to address and resolve conflict between and among siblings.  Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication, has witnessed children as young as four using NVC effectively.  NVC is based on empathy, which is defined within NVC as honouring feelings and needs - both ours and other people's.  

 

For more about NVC, go here for six short films with Marshall Rosenberg, in which he explains the basics of NVC.  

 

For more about how to use NVC with children, go here for my ebook, Affirmations for Parents.  

 

What are your methods of resolving conflicts between siblings and/or other children?  Please comment below and please share this post with your networks.  Thanks.  

Empathy in a Difficult and Dangerous World

Giraffe speech helps us to connect

Empathy means to stand in another person's shoes, i.e. to see things from their perspective. 

EMPATHY is at the heart of Nonviolent Communication (NVC).  In an NVC context, empathy means to connect with feelings and needs - our own and other people's.

In order to be able to connect with someone else in an empathetic way, we first need to have empathy for ourselves.  

In NVC, empathetic speech is called "giraffe speech".  This is speech which helps us to connect with others and with our own experience. 

With all the violence and conflict all over the world, there has never been a greater need for NVC skills.  NVC helps us to connect using language - to connect with other people's needs and to express our own.

Empathy can be, and has been, used in many situations, including those involving extreme violence.

I am sure you have experienced empathy - either using it yourself or receiving it from someone else, or both.  I encourage you to blog about your experience of empathy in your home, with your family, at your workplace, or in any other situation.

Please post your blog post to the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence 2019.  Go here for details.

Go here to read the blogs from 2018. 

Go here for the 2019 blogs. 

We look forward to hearing from you!

Go here for short films about the basics of Nonviolent Communication (NVC).

Go here for a short film about NVC and parenting.

Enjoy these, and please share them with your networks.  Please leave your comments below.  Thanks. 

The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.6

Continuing this series of videos with Marshall Rosenberg about the basics of NVC.

When we have our "giraffe" ears on, we hear everything anyone says as giraffe speech.

Nobody can make us do anything.  We always have a choice. 

Go here for part 1.1.

Go here for part 1.2.

Go here for part 1.3.

Go here for part 1.4. 

Go here for part 1.5.

See also:  Transform Your Life with Nonviolent Communication.

And go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolencee 2018.

The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.5

Continuing this series of videos with Marshall Rosenberg about NVC.

In NVC, when we judge, we judge whether needs are being met.  Needs are what connects us with life, with the life force energy, and NVC is the language of life.

We need to express our feelings, but our feelings are not dependent on the actions of others.  They are caused by our needs, either met or unmet. 

Go here for part 1.4.

See also:  Transform Your Life with Nonviolent Communication.

And go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolencee 2018.

The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.4

Continuing this series of videos with Marshall Rosenberg about NVC.  In this video, Marshall explains the diference between observations and evaluations or judgments.

Labelling and judging people decreases the likelihood of getting what we want, and increases the likelihood of violence.

Go here for part 1.3. 

See also:  Transform Your Life with Nonviolent Communication.

And go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolencee 2018.

The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.3

Continuation of this video series on NVC with Marshall Rosenberg.  When we think we are making observations, often, we are making judgments. 

Go here for part 1.1.

Go here for part 1.2.


See also:  Transform Your Life with Nonviolent Communication.

And go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolencee 2018.

The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.2

In this video, Marshall continues with the basics of NVC.  He explains "the language of no choice", which is a form of jackal language.

Go here for part one. 

See also:  Transform Your Life with Nonviolent Communication.

And go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolencee 2018.

The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.1

This is the first in a series of short videos from Marshall Rosenberg about the basics of NVC.   In this video, he talks about the purpose of NVC:  to connect in a way that makes  natural giving possible.  I love it when Marshall sings and plays the guitar.  He is just not self-conscious or embarrassed in any way - or, at least, he appears not to be. 

In this video, Marshall begins to break down the term "jackal language". 

Go here to see how you can transform your relationships, and your life, with Nonviolent Communication.

Plus go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence 2018.

Transform Your Life with Nonviolent Communication

This book has changed my life, and is changing people's lives all over the world. I find Nonviolent Communication SO inspiring. It is about connecting from the heart, in any situation, including situations of extreme violence.

For lots more information about NVC, and NVC resources, see the links below.

One thing I really appreciate about the book Nonviolent Communication is that the author, Marshall Rosenberg, gives lots of real-life examples of people using NVC in their daily lives.

When someone does or says something we don't like, we tend to react. We either judge them, blame them or label them, or a combinaion of the three. In NVC, this is called “jackal speech”.

Nonviolent Communication explains that jackal language is always an indication of unmet needs. Needs are the most important things to us – needs are what connect us to life. Thus, Marshall Rosenberg calls NVC “a language of life”.

Our feelings about ourselves are reflected in the way we speak about ourselves.

Blaming and labelling, or “jackal speech”, is not just directed at other people. We can, and do, jackal about ourselves as well. If you hear yourself saying something along the lines of “I'm so stupid”, this is an example of a self-jackal.

When we start to connect with the unmet needs that lie beneath the surface, we can stop being so angry with ourselves and others. This is the aspect of my NVC practice, and this book, that has affected me most profoundly. This powerful method frees up a lot of joy, energy and self-love. Marshall Rosenberg says, “What would make your life more wonderful?”.

When we have the practical skills which allow us to communicate from the heart, we can transform our relationships with family, loved ones, work colleagues, etc. We can prevent the terrible violence on the streets that our societies are currently experiencing. With the skills NVC gives us, we can transform our world.

I could say a lot more about NVC, but I strongly advise you to read the book. It could change your life.

Buy it here in the U.S.A. 

Buy it here in the UK. 

Please share this with your networks and please leave your comments below.  Thanks.   

Go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence 2018. 

Go here for more NVC books:

For more about NVC, see:

How to Transform Your Relationships

The Need for Self-Connection

Are We Listening to Our Children?

Child Sexual Abuse: Protecting Our Children

Go here for a video of Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication.

For even more about NVC, see these interviews with NVC authors:

Ike Lasater: From Conflict to Connection

Dian Killan: Connecting across Differences

Sylvia Haskvitz: Eat by Choice, Not by Habit

Please share this with your networks and please leave your comments below.  Thanks.   

The Need for Self-Connection

Connection

Click here for my interview with Ike Lasater.

This blog post contains adult material and thus is not suitable for children.

What happens when you feel tense, anxious or under stress? For example, when you have a conflict with a colleague at work?  

Our bodies are programmed to go into fight-or-flight mode – our pulse quickens, our mouths go dry, and various other physiological changes occur to help us cope with what we perceive to be a threat. As I have said in my blogs about Relaxation and Stress Release, this is very useful if you are confronted by a sabre-toothed tiger. But when dealing with everyday stress, this reaction is not helpful and can cause long-term damage to the body.

When we are in fight-or-flight mode, we are not connected with our own feelings and needs. And we must connect with our own before we can connect with those of others.

When we are in conflict with another person, such as a family member, partner or work colleague, or when we are in conflict with ourselves, we have tendencies to either fight or flee. Sometimes we may also go into “freeze” mode.  

It doesn't have to be a major conflict, it can just be a difference of opinion or a desire to change things, to do things differently.  One person wants to bring about some sort of change, the other doesn't.  Or one part of us desires a change and another part is resisting.  Jill wants to try a different kind of breakfast cereal, and Jackson doesn't.  Or one part of you wants to get up earlier and meditate, but another part just wants to roll over and go back to sleep.

When we experience conflict, we often start judging and blaming the other person – or ourselves.  In NVC (Nonviolent Communication), this is known as “jackal speech”.  Jackal speech is speech that disconnects us from others and ourselves.  Jackal speech is really just an expression of an unmet need.

As you may know, empathy in NVC is defined as connecting with feelings and needs.  Ike Lasater, author of From Conflict to Connection, stresses the importance of practicing self-connection on a daily basis.  Once we have established the habit of self-connection in non-conflict situations, then, when we are in conflict, either inner or outer, it becomes natural to connect with self, rather than going into fight-or-flight mode.  When we start judging and blaming, we are not connected with our own feelings and needs.

I recall Marshall Rosenberg talking about work he did with men who had sexually assaulted and abused their own daughters.  At one session at which the daughters were present, one of the men made a comment, and Marshall saw the look on the daughter's face and was upset by it. He immediately called “Time out!” and left the room.

Once he had given himself some empathy, Marshall was able to return to the session and express his concerns to the man in question.

NVC offers lots of opportunities and methods of experiencing self-empathy.   If you would like to explore more and you are in London, go here for our London NVC practice group.  I look forward to seeing you there.

Please share this with your networks, and please lleave your comments below. 

How to Transform Your Relationships

If you have read my blogs or my ebooks, you know I am passionate about Nonviolent Communication.  NVC really has the power to transform our communication and our relationships.

Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, has referred to NVC as "making life more wonderful". 

Whether you are single, in a couple, a parent, an employee, an employer, or a business owner, you can use NVC to make your life more wonderful.  

I am delighted and privileged to be leading a session of the NVC Meetup group on Monday the 12th of January.  Click here for details.  I hope you can join us. 

For more about how to use NVC to transform your relationships, click here for my ebook The Key to Everything.  Click here for Affirmations for Parents.

How Violence Becomes Attractive

Nonviolent Communication

I recently viewed this video of Marshall Rosenberg talking about making requests. Click here to watch it now.  

I find requests to be the hardest part of Nonviolent Commuication (NVC), and I really appreciate Marshall's clarity.

NVC teaches us that we can transform situations – including violent situations – by using language. The way we communicate can be transformative.

Marshall makes the point that we often make requests in terms of what we don't want, rather than what we want. He gives the example of trying to stop children from breaking windows. “How can we stop children from breaking windows? Kill them. Research has shown that dead children break no windows”.

Of course this is an extreme example, but there are loads of real-life examples to rival this.

When we think in terms of how to stop someone from doing something, violence becomes attractive.  

Why do we want someone to do what we want - because of fear of violence, intimidation or punishment?  Or because they want to, to meet their own needs as well as ours?  What are our motives?   

To read more about NVC, see: Transform Your Life with Nonviolent Communication.