15-Year-Old Girl Stabbed to Death in Croydon

Once again, I kicked off the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence with a terrible, tragic, violent and preventable death of a young person, this time in Croydon, South London.  

 

TRIGGER WARNING:  VIOLENCE  

15-year-old Elianne Andam was stabbed on a crowded bus on her way to school, apparently by a 17-year-old boy when her friend rejected flowers he was offering her.  Elianne tried to intervene in their argument. 

We talked about this recently on my Success Strategies radio show.  Go here for more info and to listen.  

 

As I write this, I have just learned of a 16-year-old boy being murdered in Luton. 

 

We don't have to keep reading these stories.  We don't have to keep seeing them on TV.  We can change this situation. Empathy can prevent us from having to hear about this and read about it.  Empathy can prevent the senseless, needless death of another young person.  

 

As I have said previously, I think of NVC primarily as a preventative process.  A lot of violence can be prevented by use of empathy.  And violent situations can be transformed through the use of empathy. 

 

Many parents, probably most, are very caring, hardworking people.  They may be tired, they may be stressed, but they still do their best to find time to connect with their children.  But sometimes, something is missed.  

 

I have no idea what caused this situation.  Sometimes, it's a family pattern.  Sometimes, it's a lack of self-esteem.  Almost certainly, it's a lack of communication somewhere.  And now a young man is in custody.  And another young woman lies dead.  Another grieving family.  Another horrible, preventable killing.  

 

For more about how parents can use NVC and empathy to improve their connections with their children, download Affirmations for Parents today.  

Go here to download it from Amazon.com 

Go here to download it from Amazon.co.uk

Go here for more about Nonviolent Communiction.  

And go here for more from the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence 2023.  

Sibling Rivalry in These Troubled Times

In these coronavirus covid-19 lockdown days, many parents and children are struggling.  Nobody knows when the schools will reopen, or whether parents should send their children back to school.  Not being able to go outside or interact with their friends is creating stress for children and families.  Conflicts between children are occurring more frequently as everyone is on edge.  And outside of the watchful gaze of teachers and educators, some children are more at risk of violence or abuse.  

 

According to this article from the New York Times, in the past, families that had several children who were close in age had a higher infant mortality rate than other families.  I wonder whether this is still true today in cultures and/or countries that have unusually large families.  

 

Sibling rivalry is something those of us who have siblings have all probably experienced.  Again, I wonder whether rivalry in families and in societies, such as China, where single children are the norm, is expressed outside the home.  

Sibling rivalry can help children to learn to navigate relationships.  It can also have the opposite effect, and can be vicious.  

 

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) can be an effective way to address and resolve conflict between and among siblings.  Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication, has witnessed children as young as four using NVC effectively.  NVC is based on empathy, which is defined within NVC as honouring feelings and needs - both ours and other people's.  

 

For more about NVC, go here for six short films with Marshall Rosenberg, in which he explains the basics of NVC.  

 

For more about how to use NVC with children, go here for my ebook, Affirmations for Parents.  

 

What are your methods of resolving conflicts between siblings and/or other children?  Please comment below and please share this post with your networks.  Thanks.  

Affirmations for Parents Update

I have started adding links to other people's blogs about affirmations for parents.  I find some of these resources very helpful, and I think you will, too. Go here for affirmations for parents, and for resources for using Nonviolent Communication (NVC) with children. 

You can purchase Affirmations for Parents here on Amazon.com.

You can purchase Affirmations for Parents here on Amazon.co.uk.

Being a parent is a challenging job, as I’m sure you know. It is hard to get right, and ever so easy – and dangerous - to get wrong.

As a parent, you have the opportunity to help your children grow into happy, healthy adults who contribute to others and lead satisfying lives.

Parenting in the 21^st century can be complicated and confusing. As a Transformational Growth Consultant and former child, I have worked with hundreds of parents and other former children. I have seen the effects poor parenting have had, and the damage it has done, and I know that there are many parents and children who are stressed, anxious, suffering and in pain right now. I have written Affirmations for Parents to help you be the kind of parent you want to be.

Affirmations are powerful tools to help you improve your life and your relationships with your children and yourself.

This is about you taking control of your life and your relationship with your child/ren.

The messages we receive repeatedly, on a daily basis, are the ones that have the most profound effect on our thoughts and emotions, and on our lives.

We are responsible for the thoughts, the words, the pictures that inhabit our minds. Other people give us messages all the time. And if we receive these messages over and over again, repeatedly, they take up residence in our minds. They move in!  And they live there. They inhabit our minds.

The more we have positive thoughts, beliefs and attitudes rolling around in our heads, the more easily we can create positive results for ourselves and our families. 

Go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence 2020.  

Go here for more NVC resources.  

Go here for more resources for parents. 

Please share this with your networks and please leave your comments below. Thanks.  

Child Killed by Mother's Partner

Leeds Crown Court

This is such a terrible story.  I HATE stories like this.  And they are all too common.   

Three-year-old boy ‘punched to death by mum’s boyfriend

 

A man hit his girlfriend’s three-year-old child so hard that he died from internal injuries 36 hours later, a court has heard.  

This is what we are talking about when we talk about nonviolence and Nonviolent Communication (NVC).  We are talking about life and death. 

There are SO MANY of these stories.    I can only list a tiny fraction here.  

Mother and partner guilty of murdering two-year-old boy

Stepfather who murdered partner's two-year-old son with sickening injuries

Stepmum beat and starved girl, 10, to death before burning her body in bin

These types of incidents can be PREVENTED.  

NVC is based on EMPATHY.  And when we learn the skills of empathy, we can PREVENT these awful violent situations.   

NVC can be highly effective in reducing, resolving and PREVENTING conflicts. 

There are so many reasons why we need NVC.  Family problems and conflicts can be addressed and, in many cases, resolved using NVC.  For more about this, download Affirmations for Parents.  

Download it on Amazon.com here.  

Download it on Amazon.co.uk here.   

See also:  Are We Listening to Our Children?   

Go here for more NVC resources.  

The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.6

Continuing this series of videos with Marshall Rosenberg about the basics of NVC.

When we have our "giraffe" ears on, we hear everything anyone says as giraffe speech.

Nobody can make us do anything.  We always have a choice. 

Go here for part 1.1.

Go here for part 1.2.

Go here for part 1.3.

Go here for part 1.4. 

Go here for part 1.5.

See also:  Transform Your Life with Nonviolent Communication.

And go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolencee 2018.

The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.5

Continuing this series of videos with Marshall Rosenberg about NVC.

In NVC, when we judge, we judge whether needs are being met.  Needs are what connects us with life, with the life force energy, and NVC is the language of life.

We need to express our feelings, but our feelings are not dependent on the actions of others.  They are caused by our needs, either met or unmet. 

Go here for part 1.4.

See also:  Transform Your Life with Nonviolent Communication.

And go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolencee 2018.

The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.4

Continuing this series of videos with Marshall Rosenberg about NVC.  In this video, Marshall explains the diference between observations and evaluations or judgments.

Labelling and judging people decreases the likelihood of getting what we want, and increases the likelihood of violence.

Go here for part 1.3. 

See also:  Transform Your Life with Nonviolent Communication.

And go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolencee 2018.

The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.3

Continuation of this video series on NVC with Marshall Rosenberg.  When we think we are making observations, often, we are making judgments. 

Go here for part 1.1.

Go here for part 1.2.


See also:  Transform Your Life with Nonviolent Communication.

And go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolencee 2018.

The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.2

In this video, Marshall continues with the basics of NVC.  He explains "the language of no choice", which is a form of jackal language.

Go here for part one. 

See also:  Transform Your Life with Nonviolent Communication.

And go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolencee 2018.

The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.1

This is the first in a series of short videos from Marshall Rosenberg about the basics of NVC.   In this video, he talks about the purpose of NVC:  to connect in a way that makes  natural giving possible.  I love it when Marshall sings and plays the guitar.  He is just not self-conscious or embarrassed in any way - or, at least, he appears not to be. 

In this video, Marshall begins to break down the term "jackal language". 

Go here to see how you can transform your relationships, and your life, with Nonviolent Communication.

Plus go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence 2018.