Transform Your Life with Nonviolent Communication

This book has changed my life, and is changing people's lives all over the world. I find Nonviolent Communication SO inspiring. It is about connecting from the heart, in any situation, including situations of extreme violence.

For lots more information about NVC, and NVC resources, see the links below.

One thing I really appreciate about the book Nonviolent Communication is that the author, Marshall Rosenberg, gives lots of real-life examples of people using NVC in their daily lives.

When someone does or says something we don't like, we tend to react. We either judge them, blame them or label them, or a combinaion of the three. In NVC, this is called “jackal speech”.

Nonviolent Communication explains that jackal language is always an indication of unmet needs. Needs are the most important things to us – needs are what connect us to life. Thus, Marshall Rosenberg calls NVC “a language of life”.

Our feelings about ourselves are reflected in the way we speak about ourselves.

Blaming and labelling, or “jackal speech”, is not just directed at other people. We can, and do, jackal about ourselves as well. If you hear yourself saying something along the lines of “I'm so stupid”, this is an example of a self-jackal.

When we start to connect with the unmet needs that lie beneath the surface, we can stop being so angry with ourselves and others. This is the aspect of my NVC practice, and this book, that has affected me most profoundly. This powerful method frees up a lot of joy, energy and self-love. Marshall Rosenberg says, “What would make your life more wonderful?”.

When we have the practical skills which allow us to communicate from the heart, we can transform our relationships with family, loved ones, work colleagues, etc. We can prevent the terrible violence on the streets that our societies are currently experiencing. With the skills NVC gives us, we can transform our world.

I could say a lot more about NVC, but I strongly advise you to read the book. It could change your life.

Buy it here in the U.S.A. 

Buy it here in the UK. 

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Go here for the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence 2018. 

Go here for more NVC books:

For more about NVC, see:

How to Transform Your Relationships

The Need for Self-Connection

Are We Listening to Our Children?

Child Sexual Abuse: Protecting Our Children

Go here for a video of Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication.

For even more about NVC, see these interviews with NVC authors:

Ike Lasater: From Conflict to Connection

Dian Killan: Connecting across Differences

Sylvia Haskvitz: Eat by Choice, Not by Habit

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NVC - It's about Prevention

One thing I am clear about - NVC (Nonviolent Communication) is largely about PREVENTION.  

Heard about the attacks on London Bridge and Borough Market last night and again this morning. 

So sad to think that these kinds of incidents are preventable. 

The London Bridge/Borough Market area is not a million miles away from where I live.  In fact, it's just down the road from where I used to live. 

Since I heard the report last night, and switched on the news again this morning, I've been crying and crying, as I did when I heard about the Manchester attacks.  I'm not frightened for my own personal safety.  I am upset because London is disintegrating, this society is disintegrating.  

Have we forgotten how to talk to each other, and listen to each other?  Are we going to start to see more and more of the religious violence that has been experienced in other parts of the world?  

I don't understand why these people are committing these atrocities, why they lash out at  members of the public in these ways.  I don't understand what they want or why they are choosing to behave in this way.  This is very confusing.  I am confused.   

I only know that we need to TALK to each other and LISTEN to each other, honouring each other's feelings and needs. To repeat:  it's about PREVENTION.  

Go here for my interview with Imam Arif Khan, where he states that Islam requires peace and nonviolence.  

Go here for my interview with Ike Lasater, author of From Conflict to Connection.  Ike has worked in Afghanistan, Pakistan and the U.S.A.  

Go here for more blog posts from the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence. 

It's up to us to restore and maintain peace.  It's our responsibility as members of this society - and all societies. 

Go here for books about nonviolence and NVC.  

Are We Listening to Our Children? Part 2

Listening

This blog post originally published on the Advice 4 Parenting blog.  My ebook Affirmations for Parents describes ways parents can improve communication with their children. 

Are We Listening to Our Children?

I was speaking with a youth worker not too long ago who said that many parents have no idea what their children are getting up to, They send their children to school, to church or to the youth club, and they think their kids are okay, but they really don't know what their children do once they leave their sight.

This put me in mind of my church's group for young people, which I had attended as a teen. The group had a good reputation for being a place where teens could talk about what was on their minds. Youngsters would come from miles around to take part on Sunday mornings, even if they had no other involvement with the church.

I remember once saying to my mother, who was an elder of the church, that some of the young people were in gangs, or had friends who were gang members. She dismissed this, saying, “”Nobody at that church is in a gang”.

When you don't listen to your child and pay attention to what's on her mind, what matters to her, you miss an opportunity to bond with him or her.

Young people want to connect with their parents and share what is of value to them, Every time you avoid listening to your child, you miss what could potentially be an wonderful chance to strengthen your parental bond. Even if you don't agree with what he is saying, it is important that you show an interest in what your child cares about.

You may also miss the chance to address a very serious issue. I recall another woman, who worked with a group of teens, saying that her organisation was working on a project about sexual assault, and how to make the youngsters aware of the need to protect themselves. One day, her own daughter told her she had been assaulted by the mother's boyfriend some years earlier. When the mother said, “Why didn't you tell me?”, the daughter replied, “I did. You told me to wash”. The mother was obviously devastated by this.

Busy, stressed parents may be in denial about their children's activities, and even about threats they may be vulnerable to. When we make time to listen to our children, we have the chance to understand what is really on their minds. 

Zhana is a writer, publisher and Transformational Growth Consultant. Her new ebook, Affirmations for Parents, gives practical suggestions of how to have brilliant communication between you and your child. You can download it from: http://tinyurl.com/m4zwlxy

Click here for Part 1 of Are We Listening to Our Children? 

Please share this with your networks, and please leave your comments below.  Thanks.
 

8 Books about Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

I have listed below some books about Nonviolent Communication (NVC).  Many of these feature in the Blogging Carnival for Nonviolence 2015. 

If you haven't already, you need to add these to your reading list. Learn practical ways to connect with your own feelings and needs - and those of others - to bring about positive change.  Enjoy! 

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